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Dante Updates 'Inferno' to Include "Bunnings on a Weekend" as the Tenth Layer of Hell Schrodinger's Cat Marvels at How Information Can Be Both Fake and Classified White House Concedes Trump's Mind May Have Wandered When Intel Briefing Turned to Issue of "Russian Bounties" Inventor Eager to Patent "Zoom-less Analogue Trivia" American Assumes EU Travel Ban Won’t Apply to Irish People Like Him Shaoquett Moselmane Claims the Only Thing He's Guilty of is Having a "Pretty Sweet Name to Pronounce" Consumers Report Newtown Store "Twee as Fuck!!!" Not Very Twee

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