The Dwarf

Politics

The Dwarf's Guide To The 2019 Federal Election

Well, here we go again. On Saturday May 18th, you, dear fellow Australian, will fight your way past desperate volunteers only to gaze in confusion

Antony Green Stoked About Getting Penalty Rates This Weekend

Ultimo – As he gears up for his biggest night of the year, the ABC’s election analyst Antony Green confirmed that he was ‘absolutely ‘ken

Angus Young Unable To Name His Favourite LNP Member

Legendary AC/DC guitarist Angus Young shocked the nation today, admitting on Triple M’s Hot Breakfast that he could not name his favourite member of the

Benedict Cumberbatch Arrested By EU Storm Troopers After Judge Declares Name Too British

On the eve of Britain’s exit from the European Union, the dystopian goliath’s mighty fury was on full display today as EU storm troopers arrested

Apu Replaced On The Simpsons By Indian-American ‘Comedian' Desperately Searching For Relevance

The writing team behind The Simpsons have announced their replacement for Apu, introducing Indian-American ‘comedian’ Hari Kondabolu to the little town of Springfield. Hari is

All Major Deities Declare Linkedin Nadir Of Human Civilisation

Andromeda – History was made today as all the world’s major deities put aside their differences and reached a rare moment of consensus, declaring Linkedin

FIFA Hires SETI In Search Of More Teams For World Cup

Zürich: Football’s international governing body, The Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA), announced today they have secured the services of Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI)

NRL Introduces Life Bans For Sex Tapes Filmed In Portrait Mode

Moore Park – In the latest chapter of the NRL’s turbulent off-season, the governing body has today decided on a life ban for any player

A Short, Unabridged History of… Ground Tennis

Invented at eight o'clock in the morning on the twenty-third of April 1873, Tennis (or as it was known at the time of its inception,

Man Makes Major Life Decision After Advice From Talking Meerkat

Potts Point – Having agonised for months over which life insurance provider to entrust with his family’s future, forty-five year old electrician Wally Hammond finally

Man Unwittingly Watches Cyclist’s Death Live On UberEats Tracker

Camperdown – Local stoner Philip McKeiran’s UberEats order took a macabre turn last night, as he unwittingly witnessed the death of his driver on the

Diligent Mum Films Son's Birthday Party For Future Use In True Crime Documentary

Boise, ID – Local mother Pamela Wozkowiak diligently recorded her eight year-old son’s birthday party on Saturday, in the hope that the footage might one