The writing team behind The Simpsons have announced their replacement for Apu, introducing Indian-American ‘comedian’ Hari Kondabolu to the little town of Springfield.
Hari is a complex persona engaged in a lifelong struggle for relevance. Drifting through his thirties in a haze of critical anonymity, he decides to create a bizarre documentary alleging that one of the most wholesome, loved and nuanced characters on the funniest and smartest show of all time is, in fact, a horribly racist creation.
Ignoring the fact that the target of his ire is one of the few honest, hard-working, and ethically sound characters on the show, Hari decides instead to focus on his accent and mode of employment, completely missing the point by taking offence, because there are simply no convenience store attendants around the world who talk like Apu.
Hari, who was born and raised in Queens, New York, and thus can identify closely with the struggles of the average Indian, complains about being compared to Apu by other kids at his school, a no doubt harrowing experience from which he has somehow managed to recover. In doing so, he shines as an inspirational beacon to the many Indians who struggle with similar problems, such as escaping a cycle of unimaginable poverty or competing with literally millions of others for every job in existence.
News of the change received a lukewarm reception from people of Indian origin around the globe. Karan Kumar, from Sydney, Australia, was unimpressed, stating “I dunno, I always liked Apu. There weren’t many brown people on TV when I was growing up, and I was always rooting for him. This new guy sounds like a bit of a twat.”
The move has not been particularly well received in the wider community. Jane Burns, an American national, dared to offer her thoughts on the situation, despite possessing no Indian heritage at all. “He was one of my favourite characters. Of all the people on the show, he was the best role model for my children. I hope that when they grow up, they can be as beneficial to their community.”
“He never let anyone down. In fact, everyone’s life was better for having known him.”
Surprisingly, news of this drastic shift has not reached Apu and Hari’s motherland. When asked for his opinion on the controversial decision, Hari Singh, a streetside watermelon vendor from Ambala, Punjab, reacted with bemusement.
“What the hell is ‘Simpsons’? I’m sorry, but I’m a little busy now. If I don’t sell enough watermelons today, my kids don’t eat for the rest of the week.”