Kyuss Fan Celebrates 18th Year of Trying to get People into Kyuss

Annandale – Following the eighteenth birthday of Queens of the Stone Age’s seminal album Songs for the Deaf last Friday, local Kyuss fan Billy Maplethorpe celebrated his own milestone, having been trying to convince people that Kyuss are better over the same period.


         Speaking to The Dwarf, Maplethorpe reminisced about the time when, as a fresh uni graduate, he first snubbed his nose at the hugely popular album.


         “I remember it like it was just yesterday. We were all unemployed, so we downloaded this album off Napster and gave it a spin. I instantly hated the derivative, commercial rubbish, but my housemates loved it! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”


         “Even back then, I saw songs like Go With The Flow and No One Knows for what they are: easily digestible crap with a traditional structure, designed to create enjoyment and reach a wider audience. It’s fucking disgusting.”


         Maplethorpe’s two remaining mates confirmed that he has never given up on his crusade.


         Yeah look, at regular intervals he’ll put Blues for the Red Sun or Welcome to Sky Valley on and call us idiots for preferring Queens. He’s been doing it for eighteen years, so you have to admire his persistence.”


         “I mean, I appreciate the musicianship, but there’s a limit to how many stoner riffs and solos I can take in one sitting. Although the second half of 50 Million Year Trip (Downside Up) is pretty sweet.”


         “Still, at least it stops him from banging on about Rush. Rush for fuck’s sake!”


At press time, Maplethorpe was heard saying the phrase ‘fuckin’ sellouts’, despite being a forty year old man.

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