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Politics

Sad Gerard Henderson Not Smiling Under Captain GetUp Suit

Warringah – In a gutwrenching interview, renowned conservative commentator Gerard Henderson has revealed that he is the man inside the Captain GetUp suit. Speaking exclusively to The Dwarf after the launch of the conservative super-hero was met with rave reviews, Henderson spoke despondently about life inside the costume. “Everyone sees the big smile on the …

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Gladys Berejiklian To Introduce Pill Testing At NSW Train Stations

Haymarket – Following reports of police setting up privacy screens to conduct drug-related strip searches at Central Station on Thursday, New South Wales Premier Gladys Berejiklian confirmed that the operation was a precursor to allowing pill testing at all NSW train stations. At a hastily scheduled press conference, Berejiklian explained that the gargantuan quantity of …

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Government Announces Royal Commission Into Everything

Canberra – The nation has been struck by royal commission fever today, as the government unveiled their new Royal Commission into Everything. Speaking to reporters in front of Parliament House, Prime Minister Scott Morrison beamed with pride as he introduced his latest initiative, stating “Look, basically we figured instead of waiting for Four Corners’ weekly …

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EXCLUSIVE: Dominatrix Reveals Andrew Bolt’s Safe Word Is ‘ABC’

Surry Hills – A dominatrix at Sydney’s notorious HellFire club has today revealed the most intimate secrets of one of her most notorious customers, renowned contrarian Andrew Bolt. Speaking exclusively to The Dwarf, Laura Norder (not her real name) shone a light on some of Bolt’s most depraved kinks. “He’s definitely one of my most …

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