Andromeda – History was made today as all the world’s major deities put aside their differences and reached a rare moment of consensus, declaring Linkedin the nadir of human civilisation.
At a landmark summit approximately 780 kiloparsecs away from Earth, influential beings from a wide range of beliefs gathered to collectively warn their disciples that humanity had reached its lowest ebb.
In a world first, Jesus Christ, Allah and Yahweh released a joint statement, expressing disgust at the continued existence of the employment-oriented service.
“While there are minor differences in our rulebooks , there is no doubt in our minds that Linkedin is the lamest thing we’ve ever seen. All those holy wars we inspired you to fight in, and this is what we end up with?”
Speaking next from their private table, the Hindu delegation added their support. Flanked by Vishnu and Shiva, Lord Ganesha stated “I’ve seen some weird shit in my time, but nothing beats this. There are actually people on there posting their morning routines in order to impress people. No-one cares, guys.”
“I saw someone write a whole story about how they stopped to give a beggar change,” Goddess Kali added. “Just for some Linkedin likes. I can’t help but feel that I’ve failed, as a supposed destroyer of all evil, in allowing this monstrosity to fester.”
Even the Jain demi-goddess Padamavati felt compelled to speak, saying “I’m ready to kill the next person who posts a motivational quote about hard work, tenuously linked to their shitty office job.”
At press time, the mere mortals of Earth had failed to heed their creators’ advice, continuing down the path of godless self-destruction by desperately asking old acquaintances to join their network.