Diligent Mum Films Son's Birthday Party For Future Use In True Crime Documentary

Boise, ID – Local mother Pamela Wozkowiak diligently recorded her eight year-old son’s birthday party on Saturday, in the hope that the footage might one day be used in a true crime documentary. Surveying the scene through the viewfinder of a recently purchased RCA VHS Camcorder, Wozkowiak expressed confidence that at least one of the children present would grow up to either murder someone or be murdered. Speaking to The Dwarf, the twenty-eight year old nurse said “I just want to make sure I’m prepared in around thirty years, in case Errol Morris’ son turns up at my door and asks for some grainy old footage of one of these kids.” “To be honest, my son and his friends aren’t the smartest kids in school, some of them are downright creepy. So I think they’re only likely to be famous through their involvement in some horrific crime, rather than say, curing a disease or becoming president.” Wozkowiak also expanded on her choice of recording equipment. “I’ve been watching a lot of true crime documentaries on Netflix, and to a lesser extent, Hulu. They’re always full of sepia-toned visuals of the protagonists as children, so I didn’t want to film it on my iPhone. I asked my friend Debbie’s eldest son Cody to show me how to use the Camcorder I bought on eBay.” Renowned documentarian Werner Herzog later confirmed to The Dwarf that he would be keeping tabs on all of the attendees, in case they ever grow up to do something really weird like live with grizzly bears or study volcanoes. Herzog also refused to rule out murdering any rival documentarians who sought access to the footage, as that would come with the additional benefit of providing material for yet another production.

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