Man Reverses Position on Herd Immunity after Learning kfc Hot & Spicy Unavailable Online

Marrickville – Local data analyst Craig Maher has shocked onlookers by performing a rapid U-turn in his thinking on COVID-19 policy, after a failed online KFC order.


         While watching a replay of last year’s Round 17 NRL game between the Titans and Panthers on company time, Maher’s attention was drawn to the ‘KFC Bunker’ on numerous occasions during the telecast, as every on-field decision went upstairs.


         Speaking to The Dwarf, Maher said “I just couldn’t resist anymore, I saw the KFC logo flashing up on my screen so many times, I just had to get some Hot n’ Spicy.”


         Maher proceeded to download the app and went in search of his staple in-store order.


“I kept scrolling and scrolling, until I noticed it said ‘some in-store items are not available for delivery’. That’s when I started to question this whole social distancing thing.”


         “I mean, I understand we need to make sacrifices, but this is too much. What about the cost to our mental health? How much longer can we be expected to stay indoors and miss out on life’s essentials?”


         Having previously been vehemently against the ‘herd immunity’ strategy, Maher admitted that he was having second thoughts.


         “You know what, maybe we should just accept defeat and see what happens. Yeah, some people are gonna die, but is this really even living? It’s only been two weeks and I’ve already watched Mortal Kombat three times.”


At press time, Maher was seen experimenting with a combination of whisky, vodka, cranberry juice and limes.

Recent News

  • Melbourne Victory to Start Selling Flares at Home Games to Help Pay $550,000 Fine
  • Occam's Razor
  • BBC News Lyrics – Every 1's a Winner
  • Morocco Mole Admits He Never Thought He’d Live to See His Country Reach the Quarter-finals of the World Cup
  • BBC News Lyrics – You Shook Me All Night Long
  • Enmore Man Unsure if His Sleep App is Telling Him to Do What He Thinks It's Telling Him to Do