Man Spends Entire Dental Appointment Lying Through Teeth

In a callous display of duplicity, local man Matt Johnson displayed a stunning disregard for the truth today, flagrantly lying through the very teeth his dentist was trying to save from a state of permanent destruction. Even before reclining into his chair, Johnson transformed the Padstow dental office into a house of lies, by answering Arjun Singh’s courteous “How’ve you been?” with “Great,” despite the fact that he had spent the two years since his last visit in a state of ennui, as the sheer futility of existence as a thirty-three year-old real estate agent became increasingly harder to ignore. When pressed on whether he had been taking care of his teeth, Johnson continued his relentless assault on the truth, assuring Singh he had, despite their downward spiral into a state of obvious disarray. Reflecting on the shambolic state of his mouth, Singh then queried as to why his patient didn’t visit on a more regular basis. Johnson, a man who had recently purchased a home entertainment system that cost three times the price of a dental visit, on which he had  binge-watched all eighty-one episodes of Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place, replied that he had been too busy, and that money was tight. The coup de grace of Johnson’s performance came when he promised to take better care of his teeth after being informed of their critical situation, guaranteeing Singh that he would be back in three months to get some fillings done. When asked for comment, Singh stared despondently into the distance and stated, “He won’t come back. They never come back.”

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