Man Unwittingly Watches Cyclist’s Death Live On UberEats Tracker
AK Migz
Camperdown – Local stoner Philip McKeiran’s UberEats order took a macabre turn last night, as he unwittingly witnessed the death of his driver on the app’s tracker.
Having completed an order of a Ben and Jerry’s ‘Half Baked’ tub, the twenty-three year old ‘writer’ gazed intermittently at the app in between browsing Robelinda2’s YouTube channel. He soon noticed his order had been picked up by Mohammad Mohsin Ul Haq, a Bangladeshi engineering student, whose bicycle was five minutes away.
Excited by this latest development, McKeiran followed the cyclist’s journey, counting down the seconds until his drug-fuelled hunger would be satiated by overpriced ice cream. It was three minutes into the journey that the first signs of something amiss were apparent, as Ul Haq’s bicycle’s progress stalled at an intersection seconds away from McKeiran’s home. He let out a sigh of frustration, returning to Australia’s 1998 tour of the West Indies.
At the fifteen minute mark, McKeiran began to consider there may have been a hiccup. Disgusted, McKeiran searched valiantly but unsuccessfully for an option to cancel his order, his critical faculties severely compromised by copious amounts of marijuana.
A defeated man, McKeiran returned to browse other available restaurants, eventually settling on a halal snack pack. Unbeknownst to him, Ul Haq had been involved in a fatal collision with delivery driver Faheem Shahjahan, a Pakistani dental student who had been delivering a dozen donuts to Shalena Davies, a PR account executive from Glebe.
When told of the news the next morning, McKeiran had no recollection of last night’s events.
