Millennial Still Coming Down from Weekend Foxtel Binge at Parents' House

St. Peters – Local artisanal barista Christopher Dawson chucked a sickie today after still feeling the effects of a Foxtel binge at his parents’ Taree retirement house. A stricken Dawson told The Dwarf he had jumped at his mother’s invitation to spend a weekend in the Mid-North Coast, as it had been a few months since he had let loose and watched a bunch of crap on Foxtel for two days. “I started with an old favourite, UKTV,” Dawson explained. “The Vicar of Dibley was on when I got there, and that shit is addictive. To be honest, I spent most of Friday evening on UKTV, because I was jonesing for some British comedy/trivia crossover game shows. I just can’t get enough of Lee Mack!” “I decided to watch a movie once the rents had gone to bed,” the twenty-four year old continued, while drinking his camomile tea. “I must’ve spent at least an hour flicking through all the channels, before finally settling on Rush Hour 2. I had to watch it in SD though, as my folks don’t pay for the HD version of whatever that channel was.” “I fell asleep at some point during that, and woke up on Saturday morning with the tele still on. I flicked it to Fox Sports News, and it was an hour before I realised that I’d watched the same fifteen minute loop four times. I was nearly catatonic by this stage, but I managed to switch over to Fox Sports 5, where I watched at least three hours of a golf tournament from Dubai. I don’t even like golf.” Dawson then explained that his father had taken control of the remote on Saturday evening, sending him sailing into uncharted waters such as Sky Racing 2 and NHK World. Elaine Dawson later confirmed that the night had ended with father and son asleep in front of Eight Days That Made Rome on The History Channel. After another night on the couch, Dawson prepared to head back to the city on Sunday arvo, but he did manage to catch the second half of Top 25 Air Guitar Anthems on Max, before bidding his parents farewell. At press time, Dawson confirmed that despite feeling like absolute shit post binge for a full three days, he intended to repeat the process during the Easter long weekend.

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