Surry Hills – At the end of their first Friday night virtual hangout, sources close to ol’ mate have confirmed that he continues to become an aggressively loud prick after two beers, even if there’s no-one else in the room with him.

         With social restrictions set to stay in place for months to come, members of the local weekend crew decided to experiment with a virtual hangout, shifting their festivities from The Crown Hotel to Zoom. Despite specifying a start time of 7:30 p.m., the participants logged in to find ol’mate already half-cut on camera.

         Speaking to The Dwarf, one participant said “It was just like real life. We turned up, and there he was, already pissed and slurring his words. I’m not even sure how he got the code for the meeting.”

         “You could almost smell the Carlton on his breath through the screen.”

         “We were all trying to have a civil conversation at the start, just to check-in with each other. But he just kept shouting over the top of everyone, banging on about how the virus was orchestrated by the Chinese government. We tried to get him to mute his microphone but he refused.”

         Another participant confirmed that it did not take long for ol’ mate to start picking fights with others in the room.

         “I thought he might be a bit subdued today, since there wasn’t a pool table for him to pick fights around. Nope. Turns out he even loves making racist jokes from the comfort of his home.”

At 8:30, ol’mate allegedly took exception to being told to “shut the fuck up” and promptly exited the meeting by slamming his computer shut.