Even Pandemic Not Enough To Make Mates Read Will’s Self-Published Sci-fi Novel

Artarmon – Despite having countless hours to fill as the horrors of social distancing grip the nation, Will Jamieson’s mates have confirmed that they have absolutely no intention of reading his self-published sci-fi novel, ‘Warriors of the Graahl: The Isthmus’.

With human interaction and outdoor events kept to a minimum, many Australians have rediscovered the joys of reading, an ancient pastime that once thrilled the globe. However, when contacted by The Dwarf, Jamieson’s mates confirmed that it’d be a cold day in hell before they read his ninety-seven page saga.

“Yeah, nah, not a fuckin chance,” Kim Collins, Jamieson’s mate since primary school told reporters. “Why would I read that when I can watch Chernobyl again?”

Jamieson’s mum, Barbara, who has been forced to spend a lot more time with her son recently, also confirmed that she had no plans to download the e-book.

“I’ve spent my whole life reading his ‘art’. From his poems in high school, to his ‘philosophical’ essays at uni, and now this. I’ve had a gutful.”

At press time, the struggling author expressed angst at the reluctance of his nearest and dearest to recognise his genius.

“The tragic irony is that if anyone bothered to read it, they’d see that it’s actually a prophetic allegory about the dangers of a pandemic, and how to deal with one.”

“If only people had listened, but they never listen. They never listen.”

Jamieson also confirmed that his dad, Ricky, was last seen reading the TABform with SKYRacing on in the background.