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Surry Hills – A dominatrix at Sydney’s notorious HellFire club has today revealed the most intimate secrets of one of her most notorious customers, renowned contrarian Andrew Bolt.

Speaking exclusively to The Dwarf, Laura Norder (not her real name) shone a light on some of Bolt’s most depraved kinks.

“He’s definitely one of my most interesting clients,” Norder began. “To get warmed up, he pretends to be an audience member on Q&A. Then I berate him by calling him a latte sipping inner city leftie, a feminazi, stuff like that.”

“Once we’ve warmed up,” she continued, “I start to whip him while he shouts ‘climate change is real!’ He really gets off on that for some reason. Sometimes if I hit him too hard he cries ‘ABC! ABC!’, which is his safe word.”

“When our time’s almost up, I drape him in an Aboriginal flag while he screams that the Stolen Generation isn’t a myth. That’s usually enough to tip him over the edge, so to speak.”

Asked if she could provide an insight from decades of experience as to why Bolt might get off on such niche kinks, Norder said, “I’m sure the relentless shame of peddling dog-whistle propaganda for a soulless mega-corporation that once hacked into a murdered girl’s phone is a big factor.”

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