Historians: Only One in 1000 Chance NRL Players Won’t Stuff This Up

Moore Park – After the NRL CEO sought to reassure the nation that the league’s return on May 28 posed little to no threat to the general public, historians have suggested there is close to zero chance of the experiment running without problems.


         In a feisty interview featuring two Peters, one, Fitzsimmons, challenged the other, V’Landys, on the subject of the NRL potentially putting public health at risk. The NRL CEO responded with numerous dubious statistics, most notably that “if they do transgress it is a one in 1000 chance that they will get the virus. If they stay with our biosecurity measures it is a one in 10,000 chance they will get the virus, so just because they transgress doesn’t necessarily mean they will catch the virus.”


         When asked about the likelihood of an NRL player transgressing, Professor Joy Damousi, the president of the Australian Historical Association, told The Dwarf, “ One only needs to look back at the archives of NRL off-field infringements to see that the chance of the players sticking to the guidelines is almost zero.”


         “There have been so many infractions in the past that we have a whole wing of our archives devoted to them. An NRL season in which no-one broke the law doesn’t exist.”


         Damousi also stated that there was a one in a billion chance that any players or the sport would face any repercussions when they did transgress and endanger public health.


“One thing that is consistent across the years is that no matter what happens, the sport continues, and some team, usually the Broncos, is always desperate enough to sign a player, no matter how bad his rap sheet is.”

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