Las Vegas Mayor Offers Citizens for Trial of Injectable Disinfectant
AK Migz
Las Vegas – Following President Donald Trump’s extraordinary musings that injecting humans with disinfectant might be the long-awaited cure for COVID-19, Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman has offered up her citizenry as a test group for the trial.
Speaking the day after she revealed an earlier plan to use the Las Vegas populace as a control group for herd immunity, Goodman was quick to seize on this new opportunity, telling The Dwarf “Disinfectant injections? Sounds good. Sign us up.’
“Really we’re open to anything. I heard him say something about exposing the body to heroic amounts of UV rays. We’re down for that too. Anything really, as long as we can get Caesar’s Palace packed again.”
“Unless they reject our proposal, in which case we’re not suggesting it and we never did.”
The White House is eager to find volunteers to test the substance the President has been diligently working on in the Oval Laboratory. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany told The Dwarf “Several laws including the Emoluments clause prohibit us from naming the cure ‘Trump’s Ultra-Violet Injectable Disinfectant & Brain NRG Elixir’. Nevertheless, that’s what it’s called.”
When challenged on the morality, safety, and efficacy of selling a product that seems strikingly similar to snake oil, McEnany quickly became annoyed, “It’s not snake oil! It’s ‘Trump’s Ultra-Violet Injectable Disinfectant & Brain NRG Elixir!’”
At press time, observers from around the world were united in awe of the greatest country on Earth.
