Mask Covering Eyes and Ears Now Mandatory While Watching Morning Television

Canberra – As the amount of anti-mask nutjobs on morning television increases, the Federal Government has now made it mandatory to cover your eyes and ears if your television is tuned to the commercial networks before noon.


Speaking after the latest moron was given airtime on Channel Nine, Prime Minister Scott Morrison introduced the new law during the daily press briefing.


“Unfortunately people have not utilised their common sense and stopped watching this garbage, so we have no choice but to make it mandatory to eliminate all aspects of sensory perception if Channel 7, 9, 10 and any of their offshoots are on your tele before midday.”


“We do advise continuing to keep your masks on for post-noon commercial programming as well, but at the moment this is just a recommendation.”


Morrison confirmed that the AFP would be conducting random checks to make sure anyone in front of a screen featuring Karl Stefanovic could not see or hear him.


“Anyone caught viewing any sort of daytime entertainment show masquerading as journalism will be issued with a $200 fine with no right of appeal.”


The Prime Minister also confirmed that any citizen caught engaging with Pete Evans on any medium would be sent to live in Victoria, if they didn’t already.

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