Nation’s Appreciation of Classical Music Increasing While on Hold to Centrelink

An IPSOS poll has shown that classical music has never been more popular in Australia, with the trajectory of new converts to the genre rising in inverse proportion to the number of COVID-19 deaths, due to millions being exposed while on hold to Centrelink.

With a record number of Australians calling government services and financial institutions, people who have never listened to classical music are suddenly spending hours captivated as they wait.

According to recently released data, 73% of callers to Centrelink showed no interest in classical music before the call, but expressed a desire to investigate further after sorting out their application.

Sharelle Williams of Hornsby told The Dwarf, “I usually listen to Hozier, Twenty One Pilots, stuff like that. But yesterday when I was on hold I heard this sick tune. I shazamed it and apparently it’s called Four Seasons.”

Recently unemployed Dave Shackleton of Brighton le Sands was also pleasantly surprised by the hold music. “I was dreading having to wait for ages, but to be honest I was a bit disappointed when someone finally picked up. My favourite was Shostakovich’s Waltz No. 2.”

Not all callers were impressed by the music selection. Richard Tognetti, head of the Australian Chamber Orchestra, expressed his disappointment. “Yeah look, I had to give Centrelink a ring because I’m not going to be working for a while. And all I heard was the same old classic, Beethoven, Bach and such. Come on. What about some Mussorgsky? Or even some Moondog?”

Despite its growing popularity, 100% of those surveyed confirmed they had no intention of paying money to attend classical music performances once all this is over.

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