Sydney – With one week of his enforced quarantine already over, recently returned traveller Liam Dawson is running out of time to extend his government-funded stay at the Novotel.

         Having made his way back to Sydney from Ecuador last week via a series of connecting flights through the United States, Dawson was confident that he would contract the virus at some point. However, with only four days left, the unemployed man is starting to worry that he will soon have to fend for himself.

         Speaking to The Dwarf on Zoom, Dawson said “It’s pretty disappointing really. You’d think transiting through three different American airports would give me a decent shot at getting this thing, but I’ve felt fuck all so far. If I don’t develop symptoms soon, they’re gonna chuck me out of here on Sunday.”

         “Every day the resident nurse gives me a ring to check if I have any symptoms, but I don’t feel the slightest thing, except ennui.”

         With three meals being delivered every day, a luxurious queen-size bed and an unlimited supply of fancy toiletries, Dawson is reluctant to venture out into the real world next week.

“It’s going to be pretty hard going from this to my shit studio in Camperdown. It’s nice having three full meals a day. I don’t have to do anything here. The hardest decision I have to make is whether to have a third shower.”

At press time, Dawson was seen ticking the ‘Advertising, Arts and Media’ box on Seek.com, as he browsed through a series of jobs for which he’s heroically unqualified.