Cardboard Fan Thinking of Going to Cardboard Bar Before Halftime

Campbelltown – With seven minutes left before the siren, the cardboard version of Panthers diehard Kenny Richards confirmed he was probably going to miss the last five minutes of the first half so that he could beat the lines to the bar.


Speaking to The Dwarf at Campbelltown Stadium, the cut-out confirmed he was keen to get a march on the rest of the cut-outs, saying “Yeah mate, you know what it’s like ey? As soon as you hear the buzzer everyone jumps up and rushes to get some cardboard food & grog. I reckon not much is gonna happen before half-time anyway.”


“It wouldn’t be the footy if I didn’t pay $27 for a cold cardboard pie, chips, and light beer. Also, I don’t wanna miss the half-time entertainment.” 

Richards missed the first five minutes of the entertainment, which was marred by strong winds causing five cardboard cheerleaders to blow away.


CCTV footage later captured Richards struggling to open his cardboard Masterfoods sauce packet, before giving up and eating his chips dry, only pausing to yell ‘all day ref!’ at regular intervals.

He also confirmed he would probably leave at around the 75th minute mark, because he wanted to get the first cardboard train from Campbelltown Station

Recent News

  • Melbourne Victory to Start Selling Flares at Home Games to Help Pay $550,000 Fine
  • Occam's Razor
  • Morocco Mole Admits He Never Thought He’d Live to See His Country Reach the Quarter-finals of the World Cup
  • Enmore Man Unsure if His Sleep App is Telling Him to Do What He Thinks It's Telling Him to Do
  • Bela Luggagé
  • The End Claims They Were Never Really Friends With Jim Morrison
  • Man Raises Suspicions by Constantly Referring to His “Fully Functioning Penis”
  • International Arson Convention Promises to Be Lit
  • Friends of Crying-with-Laughter Emoji Detect a Lot More Crying Than Laughing