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Lewisham – Having been forced into self-isolation upon his return to Australia from a Shanghai conference, I.T. professional Steve Harmison is dangerously close to running out of old cricket videos to watch.


Faced with the prospect of staying indoors for fourteen days, Harmison ordered a heroic amount of Chinese food, despite warnings from his parents, and settled down to eat while watching some classic cricket videos on YouTube. 

“It’s sort of a lunch-break work-ritual. I’ll get some Singapore noodles from the food court and chuck on some Robelinda2.” Harmison told the Dwarf.

“I figured I’d only watch a couple and then do something more productive, like read a book or get in touch with old friends,” Harmison continued. “But before I knew it, two hours had passed, I was watching a compilation of Inzamam-Ul-Haq’s greatest run-outs, and I just couldn’t stop.”

“At about 10:45 p.m. I was watching Adam Dale take a stunning catch in the outfield for Queensland circa 1997. And then I realised I’d seen everything, I’d seen it all, because there were no other videos left to autoplay.”

Experts have warned that Harmison is unlikely to be an isolated case, with many other middle-aged men certain to have blown through their fill of cricket videos far too quickly. After learning of Harmison’s case, Professor Brendan Murphy, Australia’s Chief Medical Officer, urged Australians to exercise caution while viewing Robelinda2’s channel.

“We know it’s easy to get sucked into this channel by a video of Waqar Younis’ top ten yorkers, or Brian Lara smashing 400 against the Poms,” Murphy told the nation in a hastily arranged press conference. “But please remember you need to spread your cricketing videos over fourteen days.”


At press time, Harmison confirmed he had already watched all eight episodes of The Test, and was about to dust off his old PS2 so he could watch his DVD copy of The Urn Returns.

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