Nearly three years since returning from his ‘life-changing’ trip to South-East Asia, sources can confirm that ol’ mate is still working as a real estate agent for LJ Hooker.

It seems like just yesterday that ol’ mate returned from a bucks week in Pattaya with a fresh outlook on life, the universe and everything. You can still picture the twinkle in his eye as he told you about how things were going to be different from now on.

“Mate, this trip is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” said ol’ mate, who still wears a suit every Saturday afternoon and shows people overpriced properties, in fifteen-minute segments, while aggressively hungover. “The thing is, mate, over there… even the poor people have smiles on their faces.”

Still basking in the afterglow of his sun-drenched vacation, Bintang singlet wearing ol' mate, who routinely spends around 120 bucks on durries and grog every week, continued, “They’ve got nothing, you know, but they make the most of what they do have. We’re so lucky to have been born in God’s country mate. From now on, I’m not going to waste another second of my time on Earth.”

“We just weren’t meant to spend our lives with all this corporate bullshit, you know?”, ol’ mate, who recently added ‘attention to detail’ to his Linkedin skillset, exclaimed. “I mean, there’s so much more to life than preparing condition reports and reviewing tenant applications. There’s a whole world out there!”

When contacted for a progress update, ol’ mate said that he was busy, as he had to rush to a studio apartment in St. Peters that was going for $480 a week, but he was considering using a couple of weeks annual leave to stay at a four-star resort in Phuket over Easter.

Scroll to Top